I miss my father. He should be around to be granddad to my wonderful boys, helping me raise them to be good men. But he’s not around, dying far too early, from alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver. Only in his mid-60’s, he was a wonderfully warm-hearted man with a deep belly laugh, very much the average-guy Martin Crane to my Frasier Crane-like stuffiness. But he was also an alcoholic who slowly drank himself to death.
I have countless fond memories of us over the years, but I also have nightmare memories of holding his hand as he died in the hospital, in a coma, his skin yellow and lungs filled with fluid as his kidneys and liver finally gave up from the years of toxic abuse. These are memories that no child should have — but so many do.
Why is alcoholism such a scourge to society? When compared to many other common diseases such as heart disease, alcoholism has a much more devastating social effect — not just on that person, but also their family, who painfully watch for years, helplessly, as their loved one slides into decline. Yes, many diseases are terrible and affect others; smoking can cause secondhand smoke diseases to family members. But alcoholism is a sad disease, and it’s those bad memories that really haunt families of alcoholics — memories of being afraid as we weave across wintry roads as dad drives home tipsy; memories of mom crying as dad refuses to hand over the car keys; memories of watching his belly get bigger and his memory weakening as his liver starts to fail.
So as we honor Alcohol Awareness Month this April, I’d like to use this opportunity to spread the word about alcoholism, hopefully to help a few people out there.
The first step, as anyone in 12-step programs will tell you, is to admit there may be a problem. If you’re not sure, just answer these four simple questions:
- Have you ever felt you needed to Cut down on your drinking?
- Have people Annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?
- Have you ever felt Guilty about drinking?
- Have you ever felt you needed a drink first thing in the morning (Eye-opener) to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover?
If you’ve answered “yes” to 2 or more, then you indeed may have a problem with alcoholism and may already be causing liver damage. These questions above are called the “CAGE questionnaire” and are used by doctors as a screening tool for alcoholism.
What If You May Be Alcoholic?
First of all, congratulations if you’re honest enough to admit you may have a problem. Secondly, you need to know that you are not alone, and many people and organizations can help you:
- Your family doctor can check out your liver and kidney health.
- Some newer medicines, like naltrexone, may actually help you quit drinking; your doctor can discuss these with you.
- Twelve step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous aren’t for everyone, and there’s contradictory evidence as to how effective they are. But for many recovering alcoholics, they’ve been a source of strength, all over the world. You can find a list of AA sites in the US here.
- Psychologists and psychiatrists can help you in many ways, from quitting drinking to processing underlying stresses and depression, to fixing family and job problems related to your drinking.
My Dad’s Legacy
Clearly, living through my dad’s illness has had a profound influence on me as a doctor, and I do find myself drawn to these patients. I’m sure it’s partly an effort to make up for what I couldn’t do for my own dad.
But despite all the pain of those later years, my strongest memories are the good ones. I will always remember his laugh, and to this day I vividly remember how he could light up a room. I’d like to end with a poem from Ralph Waldo Emerson, which we used at his wake:
To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
to appreciate beauty;
to find the best in others;
to leave the world a bit better
whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch, or a redeemed
social condition; to know even
one life has breathed easier
because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.